Yesterday I thought I was doing something good for myself. Y’know – fresh air, movement, spring vibes. I leashed up my dog, told myself “You got this, princess,” and headed for a walk. Harmless, right?

Wrong. VERY wrong.

I was 30 minutes in, in the middle of the sidewalk, trying to figure out if the voices and footsteps behind me were real, or if my brain wanted to play “Paranoia Olympics”. Spoiler alert: it was my brain. Full send. Hallucinations activated.

My dog, the sweet baby angel she is, was just vibing. Sniffing dirt, trying to eat rocks, dog things. Meanwhile, I am trying not to scream because I am 99% sure the trees are talking to me and there’s someone watching me. (No one was there. I checked. Six times.)

Cue panic attack.

My heart was racing like I had just run from the cops (I had not), my chest was tight, I felt like I was holding my breath and the world started caving in on me. It felt like a weird dream with bad lighting, and I couldn’t make any noise. My dog looked up at me like, “Babe, are you good?” I was not. She sat down and refused to move, which honestly saved me from running in front of one of the cars coming down the street.

I had to call my fiancé to come pick me up because I couldn’t make it home. I made it back inside. Barely. Sat on the couch, cried a little. Pet my dog a lot. Told myself, “Okay, that was horrible, but it’s over now.” And it was. Kind of.

Here’s the thing — mental illness doesn’t give a heads-up. It doesn’t say, “Hey Oliver, just a quick FYI, we’re gonna make reality blurry today!” It just hits. And some days, it hits hard.

I’m sharing this not for pity — but for honesty. Because these moments happen. To me. To others. To people you wouldn’t expect. And if my sidewalk spiral helps someone else feel less alone in their own struggle? Worth it.

Also: shoutout to my dog for being the emotional support queen she is. She didn’t stop the hallucinations, but she did keep me from walking into a mailbox, which honestly is enough.

Until next time —
Trying not to hallucinate in public,
Oliver ❤