Welcome to the human experience, where your brain is basically a high-powered computer… with a few viruses, some mysterious glitches, and a tendency to start buffering at the worst possible times. Mental illness? Oh yeah, it’s more common than socks without a matching pair. Let’s dive into the five most common ones — and try not to cry-laugh in the process.

1. Anxiety Disorders – AKA “What If…?” on Steroids

Anxiety is that overachieving friend who plans for everything — including your funeral after you accidentally send a typo in a work email. It’s like your brain hired a full-time worry consultant who never takes a day off.

Types include Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Social Anxiety — which is basically when your brain screams “DANGER!” because you made eye contact with the barista.

Common symptoms: Sweating like you’re in a sauna, constant overthinking, and rehearsing small talk like it’s a Broadway audition.

2. Depression – The Sadness That Won’t Ghost You

Depression is like that one friend who comes over “just for a bit” and ends up staying all week, eating all your snacks, and telling you life is meaningless.

It’s not just “feeling sad.” It’s more like your get-up-and-go got up and went… permanently.

Common symptoms: Sleeping too much or not at all, feeling like a human paperweight, and losing interest in hobbies — even binge-watching shows (and that’s saying something).

3. Bipolar Disorder – Mood Swings, But Make It Extreme

Imagine emotional rollercoasters, but instead of fun, you’re going from “I AM THE SUN GOD” to “life is a void” in less time than it takes to microwave popcorn.

Bipolar comes in types, like a menu no one asked for: Bipolar I, Bipolar II, and Cyclothymia. Each comes with a lovely mix of highs (mania) and lows (depression).

Common symptoms: Spending sprees you can’t afford, starting 16 projects at once, then disappearing into your blanket fort for three weeks.

4. OCD – The Brain’s Favorite Game: Control Freak Olympics

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder isn’t just being “soooo organized.” It’s intrusive thoughts you didn’t invite, paired with compulsions you wish you didn’t need — like washing your hands 47 times because of a rogue crumb.

It’s less “quirky” and more “if I don’t do this ritual exactly right, something catastrophic might happen (even though I know it won’t… but what if it does?)”

Common symptoms: Repetitive behaviors, constant checking, and mentally arguing with your own brain like it’s a troll in the comments section.

5. PTSD – Trauma’s Unwanted Afterparty

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is like your brain’s version of opening 600 tabs and not knowing which one is playing that scary music.

It doesn’t just affect veterans — it can develop after any traumatic event, and your brain likes to replay it like it’s stuck in a psychological loop of “America’s Most Unwanted Memories.”

Common symptoms: Flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and jumping at loud noises like you’re in an action movie — without the movie star paycheck.

Stay sane(ish), stay weird, and remember — if your brain throws a party, at least you get to DJ.
– Oliver, currently Googling “how to evict anxiety with sage and sarcasm”