I heard you have a friend, partner, sibling, or your cousins roommate’s dog’s ex who is living with a mental illness, and you want to be supportive. First off – two gold stars for caring. Second – welcome to the crash course on how to be there for your mentally spicy loved one without turning yourself into a walking red flag on accident. Sit down and buckle up, it’s a little chaotic but we can make it work.

Stop Saying “Just Think Positive” Before We Cry

This one is a classic. Trust me, we love a good motivational quote from Pinterest, but telling someone with a mental illness to “just be happy” is like telling someone who’s having an asthma attack to “just breathe”. Bad idea. Zero stars for effectiveness.

Don’t Be Weird About Our Medication

Yes, we take meds. No, it’s not “a lot”. We need it to live. It is just the right cocktail of brain meds to keep us from spiraling to hell and back. Literally. Asking if we “really need all of that” is not the supportive energy we’re looking for. Also: no, you cannot have one of our Xanax “just to try.”

Ask Real Questions

You don’t need a degree in psychology to ask us if we’re okay. Be normal about it though. There is zero reason to ask, “Are you manic or is that just your personality?”. Instead, you can try asking, “Hey, how are you feeling today?” Works wonders.

Learn Our Red Flags, Not Just Our Favorite Snacks (Though Those Are Important Too)

Sometimes supporting us means noticing changes we might not catch ourselves. If we go from texting non-stop to radio silence, or start 12 new projects and dye our hair neon pink at 3 a.m., maybe check in. With love. And snacks.

Please Respect Our Boundaries, Even If They’re Weird

If we say we need space, 9 times out of 10, we mean it. We still love you – we are just in the middle of the biggest mental plot twist of the day and need time to process it. Or nap. Or both. Don’t take it personally, we aren’t mad at you. We are just vibing through an episode and trying our best to be okay.

At the end of the day, supporting someone with a mental illness isn’t about fixing them — it’s about being there. With kindness. With patience. With memes, tea, and a little understanding that sometimes, our brains take the scenic route.

So thank you for showing up. Even if you don’t always get it right, we see you trying — and that matters more than you know.

Still mentally ill, still spillin’ tea,
Oliver